An Open Letter

Dear Guy Behind Me at the Stoplight in the (Ugly) Mercedes,

Hi! Hope you're having a great morning - it's nice to wake up on Friday and realize that it's officially the weekend. I'm always in such a good mood on Friday mornings, and today was no exception. I had in a Journey CD and was cranking "Separate Ways," and was getting to work in record time.

I'm sorry that you felt frustrated behind me in the left hand turn lane on Windy Hill. I know the light was green, but when there's oncoming traffic who also has a green light, and there's a steady stream of cars, I'm not able to make that turn without getting t-boned. You're really good at honking your horn! It was SO good, it was almost musical! I wanted to join in on your horn-honking chorus, but I was too busy waiting for a break in the stream of cars so I could turn left. I didn't mean to hold you up, friend! I just didn't want to cause an accident and keep even more people from getting to work on time.

I'm guessing you must have been in a hurry, because even though I had to turn on the yellow light because I was in the middle of the intersection, you turned as well (when the light turned red) and zoomed past me! I know it was rude to throw up my middle finger at you, but to my credit, I did wait until you were ahead of me in the other lane. I'm sorry, it's just that your incessant horn-honking hurt my ears. Besides, your 65mph in a 35mph zone just wasn't safe.

And so, I'd just like to pass on a friendly closing - if you EVER swerve into my lane and slam on your breaks right in front of me again, and then creep along at 5mph for ten seconds just to piss me off, I will have no problems calling the cops on you and your ugly car that you can't afford. How stupid are you? I thought you were in a hurry, and you just wasted MY time and yours. Although I didn't mind, because I was getting to work on time. Idiot. At least my finger doesn't almost cause an accident.

I hope you have a great weekend, new friend! Don't worry - your wife isn't screwing around on you because she doesn't love you. It's just because you have a small penis.

Hugs and Kisses!
Jen